Urgent Care

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Sock Folding Induced Comas and Love

My mind is racing today...

Life changes so rapidly and constantly and even though I complain of mediocrisy, I don't think I can handle more then what's on my plate.

Just when I think the day is taking forever to end I realize that there's not enough hours to get things done. Most of it is my inability to function in the morning. But if I want to be honest with myself and you, the reader, I'm just a lazy person.

I get into ruts. I wonder if that's the right word by definition. Is there a definition to a rut? Cause my ruts last years and break for a few months and start back up again. Can someone be in a constant rut? Or is that I'm just a mess with brief periods of productiveness? The latter of those two questions makes more sense now that I write it down.

So right now you are all reading an entry written in the beginning of a season of productiveness. Although the season started on the 1st of 2010, it is still early in its stages and this is where I dream... a lot. We dream... actually. The fun part about getting into this season is dreaming with Matthew. This is also coincidentally a period where I fall in love all over again with my husband and that butterfly, funny, ticklish feeling in my stomach returns.

I looked up the definition of marriage online just now and the first response I got was this...the state of being a married couple voluntarily joined for life (or until divorce). I didn't add that last part. It's sad that someone else did though. The last 8 years of my life with Matthew have been challenging. Not a constant challenge, and definitely more good times then bad, but its not easy putting two imperfect people together and expect a perfect marriage. It doesn't happen anywhere no matter how good your church families make it seem when Sunday service is over, they're back to reality. Finances, screaming kids, messy houses, sleep deprivation, whatever... These factors contribute to a loss of passion. Passion for eachother I think is the first to go and then just a general loss of passion for life. The mundane tasks of keeping a house sorta puts you in a dish washing coma, standing there, in front of the sink, exsisting...sorta.

Now I don't want to scare you unmarried young kids and young couples. Marriage isn't a death sentence. In fact... I think marriage is the start of the most important and exciting adventure of some peoples lives. Possibilities are endless and you always have this person there encouraging, supporting, laughing and crying with you the whole way through the game. Unfortunately your team mates work schedule sometimes gets in the way of you achieving some goals. Sometimes you gain smaller, cuter, and smellier team mates that really aren't that helpful but give you more purpose for achieving said goals and therefore motivate you to keep going. The best part of this disfunctional team is that when part of the game is completed, its far more victorious and wonderous because of the obstacles that you were able to overcome. Nevermind that gameplans never work completely in life and that one of your team members might be a 26 lb, perfectly round, queen of attitude.

I can't count how many times I have fallen in and out of love with my husband anymore. I'm not hesitant to say that I know he feels the same way. We've been together for 11 years now and life has thrown us some curve balls in this short time. Never can I say that we have ever seized being best friends or eachothers biggest fan. We have hurt eachother more deeply then anyone else ever could or ever would. But I know that God made us to be together for the rest of our lives and that's really exciting and frustrating at the same time. (More exciting) I like the idea of leaving a good legacy of our team for others to appreciate and relate to. One that's real, crazy, dangerous and loving like life is suppose to be. I love that my husband is my best friend and my partner through this journey of figuring it out. And I'm thankful that when I do get into these sock folding induced comas, that he's there to turn me around so I won't get bed sores. LOL. That was corny. I'm leaving it in.



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