Urgent Care

Sunday, April 20, 2008

unfinished thoughts....TBC

I've been awake since 6 am. It's been 4 hours since I started regretting getting out of bed.

I like to sleep. I particularly like naps but I don't get to have any as of late (late meaning the last 3 years.) Sometimes I psyche myself out by making the bed after Matt goes to work and laying back down with just a light blanket over me and laying horizontally across the mattress as if I just fell over from exhaustion of my long trecherous day.

It works.

I wake up hours later and find myself feeling refreshed and unexpectedly cold.

This morning however, I had to get up to write.

The last few weeks have been challenging for my family. We've been trying to spend time together while juggling opposite work schedules, misc. commitments and a house in despret need of some spring cleaning. I haven't seen my husband in 5 days. I've seen him in passing I guess, the daily baby pass off as he kisses me hello and I kiss him goodbye so I won't be late to work. He chose to work the weekend to make up for lost hours, so here I am writing a blog about random lonliness. Or naps, I can't decide which.

It seems that whenever Matt and I are away from eachother for extended periods of time we don't get along as well. Funny, 'cause one might think that we would be enjoying the time we do have together instead of bickering about everything. It's mostly me actually. I get crazy when left alone for too long. I start to feel unloved and that just makes me bitter.

For the last week I have felt like a single parent. I take care of the kids by myself during the day and then off I go to work all night long and come home to a sleeping husband. I'm sure Matt feels the same way too. His approach when we finally get to hang out though is far too rational and sadly it's just not part of my genetic makeup.

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Sunday, April 13, 2008


I got promoted at work.

Normally you would think that someone would be pretty proud and happy about a promotion. I am, I guess. Did I mention I have only been there for 7 months?

The problem with this promotion is that it's undeserved. No...let me rephrase...it's unfair and I know it. Not because I don't work hard or because I don't know what I'm doing, but because I'm the newest employee there and when everything revolves around tier status, I am at the bottom of the totem pole.

There are people there who are a lot more qualified.

These are the people that I call when I can't figure things out. They, are more qualified. The difference between them and me however is that I'm not afraid to make decisions, even if they're the wrong ones. And most importantly, I'm not afraid to say, "sorry, I fucked up."

Oh, I also believe that I have God's favor on my side too...but that's a whole other blog.

Why can't I just accept my good fortune and be completely happy? Well one, it's still a secret. The cat will be let out of the bag on Tuesday. Reason? People will be pissed. Secondly, people will be pissed. I like being liked. I work hard at being liked. Being outgoing and funny, no wait, hilarious, is exhausting. This promotion will make me a very unpopular girl. Boo Hoo right? Well fuck, I like the people I work with and I love my job, there's nothing that sucks more than going to work with people that don't like you.

I need to be accepted. It's something that has been important to me since I was a middle schooler. Back then I did things to be accepted that were shallow and mean and now I realize that I was a horrible person and I'm sorry. (Genie Schroeder, Gloria Gonzalez, Brittany something or other, Stephanie Galvez, for that one time when I was 7 and I swept the rocks onto your head and made you cry 'cause you didn't want to play with me...oh and sorry Talia for blaming you and getting you into a lot of trouble.) Don't get me wrong, I did not get this promotion by being mean to anyone. Those tactics are no longer practiced. I like being liked but not at the expense of other people's feelings.

I was promoted based on my ability to make decisions and not taking shit from anyone. Yeah! You don't intimidate me passenger, with your Executive Platinum card and all your miles. Go ahead! Take my employee number! You're still not getting on this flight Dr. Mayo, it's sold out!

See how tough I am...

Do I deserve this promotion? Probably not. But I'll tell you one thing though, I'm going to own the shit out of my new title. I'm gonna make my title my bitch and everyone will know (in a week or three) that maybe I did deserve it after all.

(the last paragraph was sort of intense and inappropriate. Told you I was tough.)

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