Sock Folding Induced Comas and Love

My mind is racing today...

Life changes so rapidly and constantly and even though I complain of mediocrisy, I don't think I can handle more then what's on my plate.

Just when I think the day is taking forever to end I realize that there's not enough hours to get things done. Most of it is my inability to function in the morning. But if I want to be honest with myself and you, the reader, I'm just a lazy person.

I get into ruts. I wonder if that's the right word by definition. Is there a definition to a rut? Cause my ruts last years and break for a few months and start back up again. Can someone be in a constant rut? Or is that I'm just a mess with brief periods of productiveness? The latter of those two questions makes more sense now that I write it down.

So right now you are all reading an entry written in the beginning of a season of productiveness. Although the season started on the 1st of 2010, it is still early in its stages and this is where I dream... a lot. We dream... actually. The fun part about getting into this season is dreaming with Matthew. This is also coincidentally a period where I fall in love all over again with my husband and that butterfly, funny, ticklish feeling in my stomach returns.

I looked up the definition of marriage online just now and the first response I got was this...the state of being a married couple voluntarily joined for life (or until divorce). I didn't add that last part. It's sad that someone else did though. The last 8 years of my life with Matthew have been challenging. Not a constant challenge, and definitely more good times then bad, but its not easy putting two imperfect people together and expect a perfect marriage. It doesn't happen anywhere no matter how good your church families make it seem when Sunday service is over, they're back to reality. Finances, screaming kids, messy houses, sleep deprivation, whatever... These factors contribute to a loss of passion. Passion for eachother I think is the first to go and then just a general loss of passion for life. The mundane tasks of keeping a house sorta puts you in a dish washing coma, standing there, in front of the sink, exsisting...sorta.

Now I don't want to scare you unmarried young kids and young couples. Marriage isn't a death sentence. In fact... I think marriage is the start of the most important and exciting adventure of some peoples lives. Possibilities are endless and you always have this person there encouraging, supporting, laughing and crying with you the whole way through the game. Unfortunately your team mates work schedule sometimes gets in the way of you achieving some goals. Sometimes you gain smaller, cuter, and smellier team mates that really aren't that helpful but give you more purpose for achieving said goals and therefore motivate you to keep going. The best part of this disfunctional team is that when part of the game is completed, its far more victorious and wonderous because of the obstacles that you were able to overcome. Nevermind that gameplans never work completely in life and that one of your team members might be a 26 lb, perfectly round, queen of attitude.

I can't count how many times I have fallen in and out of love with my husband anymore. I'm not hesitant to say that I know he feels the same way. We've been together for 11 years now and life has thrown us some curve balls in this short time. Never can I say that we have ever seized being best friends or eachothers biggest fan. We have hurt eachother more deeply then anyone else ever could or ever would. But I know that God made us to be together for the rest of our lives and that's really exciting and frustrating at the same time. (More exciting) I like the idea of leaving a good legacy of our team for others to appreciate and relate to. One that's real, crazy, dangerous and loving like life is suppose to be. I love that my husband is my best friend and my partner through this journey of figuring it out. And I'm thankful that when I do get into these sock folding induced comas, that he's there to turn me around so I won't get bed sores. LOL. That was corny. I'm leaving it in.

Peace!!

Non Rev Travels and Overdraft Fees (p2)

January 24, 2010; 1530 central time

One chance we have to get to MN from LAX at 805 this morning.

Twice we asked the front desk for a wake up call at 530 am.

Three times I checked my alarm to make sure it was set for 540 am INCASE there was no wake up call.

and....We slept in!!!

I woke up at 658 confused and overwhelmed. Matt's initial reaction was anger directed towards the front desk and then calmness settled as he realized that this had to be God. So we get dressed, get the girls going, catch a shuttle, go through security at one of the busiest airports in this country and run all the way to gate 46A by... Drum roll please....736!!! They hadn't even started boarding. Thank you God!!

On the way to the LAX Matt says, "its cool, maybe God was protecting us from something. We don't have to know His plan to know it's working.". Amen!!

And this statement seemed to be good enough for me in a time when my reaction would be to cry.

I wonder what the number would be if I were to calculate the total miles I've traveled by car and plane in the last week. In the last 7 days I have been in 4 planes, 5 different airports, 4 states and 10 cities. Travel time hourly roughly 25 hours in either plane or car going back and forth from city to city. From Rochester to Vegas then LA to Montecito to Ventura back to Montecito. Then to Long beach and Santa Barbara, LAX, Chicago, Minneapolis and home!!

We will be preparing to land soon and we still have to rent another car and drive an hour and half home. But God is so good and I'm so thankful to be able to do this with my family and friends. It has all been worth it and although I would be hesitant to do it all over again, I would, in fact, I am.

Non Rev Travels and Overdraft Fees

January 23, 2010 23:55

I need a shower, about 2 gallons of water and good face wash cause I'm breaking out along my jaw line.

3 hours sitting at LAX just to find out there's not enough seats for this family of 4. No worries, hotel room is only 70 dollars a night.

Yeah. That's the distressed passenger rate too. The service at LAX was surprisingly friendly and great. Not only did they keep us informed but they seemed genuinely sorry that we didn't make it on. And so off to La Quinta we go for 5 hours of sleep. That's $14/hour to sleep. Damn it!!!

Thank you God for our Jobs and nice people.

Some of My Fav Blogs Were in Airplanes

I like how my mom insist on buying certain name brand item around the house but always purchases the cheapest one ply toilet tissue.

I'm kidding...I hate that.

Its the same toilet paper they use in airplanes. Its all super thin and rough like really fine sandpaper. It doesn't tear easy but it just soaks through unless you use a quarter of the roll to wipe. Its rice paper now that I think about it. I don't know actually, I've never tasted it.

Whenever I use the bathroom on an aircraft its out of sheer desperation. I just can't hold it in any longer. And everytime I decide I just can't take it, the seatbelt sign light up again and the flight becomes bumpy. The flight attendants make their prerehearsed announcement to stay in our seats with our seatbelts fastened and there I am, stumbling down the aisle hitting every elbow on the way to the back. The flight attendants always have the most annoyed looks on their face too. That look that just says "Really? Why did I bother making that damn announcement?"

Speaking of announcements. The "flight attendants are preparing for landing". Goodbye.

God Bless the Strippers

I like people. The more I hang out with them the more I love people.

Jesus loved Levi.

Now Levi, who later became Matthew, was one of the most despised people in his town. When Levi invited Jesus to his house to hang out did Jesus say, no way, you're a sinner? Heck no He didn't. Jesus was like, "sure, what time?" And then Jesus showed up and told stories and had dinner and maybe...gasp...drank some wine. Jesus was pretty cool. I want to be more like Jesus.

No judgment, just a lot of loving of people.

I had an amazing time tonight just laughing and talking with friends. And to the strippers...I'm sure your life and story is just as beautiful as your dance.

God Bless.

Flight 425

You are 2 hours and 40 minutes too long according to my Sam. You have made me nauseas and my ass really hurts. And although I am thankful for even getting on tonight, I can't wait to never take you again.

Soundcheck

I'm pretty excited about worshiping God today. Last night I was rebaptized by FIRE!! Yep!! It felt so good. I feel like I'm going through a cleansing process right now in life and for the first time in months I feel the joy of the Lord giving me strength. I'm finally seeing the good in 2010. Since the 1st I've been faced with small challenges. Nothing big or devastating, just unexpected roadblocks that keep me from getting to where I'm supposed to be. I've been finding the detour signs and alternate routes though and even though I'm not there yet, I know I will be soon.

Got My Eels CD PLUS

Eels Pre-released!!! Woohoo!! Days already going great. Plus! Last night I bought this recording of 3 different orphanages in Africa of kids singing worship to God. The tracks are just mics stuck in the bush recording angels sing! Its so good!

Why?

I don't understand why anyone would buy these. Now they're insulated!

Beauty Bathing

I'm sitting in front of you blogger with so much to say and nothing is coming out.  The last few days it seems like my mind turns on right when I'm driving to work.  Unfortunately in the 20 mins that it takes me to get from the fairgrounds to the airport I can't really blog my thoughts...safely...and so I sit here, lights turned off and headphones on, trying to recreate my drive in my head hoping that it would unlock some sort of portal to my thoughts of days past.  There is this one thing...

So yesterday I'm driving to work and right about the time that I turned onto Highway 63, Train's Drops of Jupiter comes on the radio.  Now usually I don't listen to the radio cause I normally opt for my iPod but on this day the soft rock music station was playing and this is what happened... unexplainable joy.

So somewhere between the lyrics "plain old jane told a story about a man that was too afraid to fall so he never did land." flashes of people and circumstances in my life flashed in seconds like a super fast slideshow.  In this instance there was this beauty and appreciation for people and what they had contributed to my life here in Minnesota.  All the junk and anger and hurt that I had sorta buried deep inside disappeared and there was...ready for this....grace.

Now the word grace that I'm talking about is the grace that is synonymous with mercy.  Defined by Merriam Webster as compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender and with this grace came peace, and that peace made me so incredibly happy that I just had to laugh.  Laughed so hard that I cried.  Good belly laughs are the best but really unsafe while going 70 mph down an icy highway.  Don't worry everyone, I didn't die.  From about the underpass of the 52 ,crossing over the 63, to the parking lot of Rochester International Airport I was drunk with happiness and my serotonin and dopamine levels sky rocketed leaving me in a joyous high that lasted for hours and tapered off by the time the overnight flight parked and deplaned.  The cool thing about this kind of high is that when you come down you just feel good.  Sure you want more, but you don't have the shakes or the shits.  Graphic picture, I'm sorry, but it's true.

So now it's about the part in the song that goes "the best soy latte that you ever had and me" and I'm just singing really loud and thanking God and loving all of you, yeah you, and gagging?  Gagging? Dry heaving.  So bare with me non-christian/atheist/agnostic friends...I'm laughing, singing and trying not to throw up and I realized that something bigger is going on... it has to be?  Right?  'Cause in my human nature I really hate people.  Well maybe not hate...but really dislike you all.  And me too, don't get me wrong...I suck bad.  We're mean and selfish and rude, arrogant, and needy and pissed off all the time...we're lazy and apathetic about most things and when we don't get our way we whine or scream or slam things and pout.  We gossip and say hurtful things that apologies can't always erase.  And even those who are good about forgiving have emotional scars that will most likely surface the next time someone wrongs them.  We usually blame everyone else for our problems and get defensive with the implication that maybe everything is f'd up because of something we did.  Ok, if this isn't you then I'm speaking for myself.  All these things are true of me anyway.  Maybe it makes me feel better to think that you're all jerks like me... some of you, lets be honest... are.  But then all of sudden this veil is raised off of my face and I see you all and myself (thank God) with this clearness and purity.  Sorta like that Claritin commercial where the attractive blond that's watching her puppy lab run across the meadow says "Now it's clear...Claritin clear."  Is that what it says?  I hate commercials.

So ok...where was I...oh...veil lifted...purity...yeah!  Beauty really.  You're all beautiful disasters.  And then I start to see the good in all of you, the gold as Pastor Rod would say.  And I see you all as this mosaic or stained glass window.  All broken and put together so intricately to create this amazing piece of art that depending on what side your on will let in amazing and colorful light.  And all of you are uniquely designed and put together differently.  Some more fragile then others. And some stained glass windows tell stories, and you all have a story that excuses all the flaws mentioned in the above paragraph and the stories aren't even important, well they are, but they're not. Because whether or not you read the plaque on the wall next to the window that explains the picture, you can still stand back and enjoy the art in front of you without much thought of why it was ever created.  I'm thankful that there was an Artist out there that took the time to piece together so many amazing windows for light to shine through and that's what happened yesterday...on my drive to work...you all became stained glass windows.

So excuse me if I stare or stand to close.  I might just be appreciating your beauty or bathing in your light.

Let's see if this is gonna happen

Stay tuned... It just might.