I Don't Care That You're Reading This

I'm listening to Bush right now.

The Song: Swallowed

Feelings: A little embarrased but I really don't care.

I still know the lyrics.

Feelings: A little embarrased but I really don't care I said.

I'm feeling nostalgic. I'm taken back to 9th grade English class, wearing my Razorblade suitcase shirt with green courd pants and black boots.

Man I was a dork.

That year I met Brett Kasden though. Only thing good to come out of my one year at Silverado High. I went from Honor Roll to barely passing my freshman year. My G.P.A plummeted from a 3.6 to a 1.0 I believe. I ditched school, smoked some pot, drank a few times during my alternating ditch shifts. We could have 18 absences per semester; thats 36 half days in 2 quarters. Which meant 72 half days all year. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

I was bitter at my mom. She moved me to the other side of the city where I didn't know anyone and didn't care to know anyone. Everyone I cared about went to Vegas and that's where I wanted to be. It sucks that I felt like messing up my grades and skipping classes was going to teach my mom a lesson, cause when I finally graduated from Vegas 3 years later, I got screwed out of the Nevada Scholorship by .03 points. I think that you needed a 2.95 and I had a 2.93. Apparently the honors classes that I had my freshman year weighed more on my G.P.A then regular classes. So even though when I transfered to Vegas and worked my way back onto the Honor Roll list the first quarter and received Straight A's all of my Senior year, that 1st year at Silverado just f'd everything up for me. I don't even think my mom noticed what happened too. Thats the ironic part of it all.

Oh well, she meant well. She was a single mom trying to make things easier for us and herself.

I hated college anyway.

Album Cover

Make your Own Album Cover for your Own Fake Band!

1 - Go to "Wikipedia." Hit “Random Article”or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3

The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days

Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop or similar to put it all together

unfinished thoughts....TBC

I've been awake since 6 am. It's been 4 hours since I started regretting getting out of bed.


I like to sleep. I particularly like naps but I don't get to have any as of late (late meaning the last 3 years.) Sometimes I psyche myself out by making the bed after Matt goes to work and laying back down with just a light blanket over me and laying horizontally across the mattress as if I just fell over from exhaustion of my long trecherous day.


It works.


I wake up hours later and find myself feeling refreshed and unexpectedly cold.


This morning however, I had to get up to write.


The last few weeks have been challenging for my family. We've been trying to spend time together while juggling opposite work schedules, misc. commitments and a house in despret need of some spring cleaning. I haven't seen my husband in 5 days. I've seen him in passing I guess, the daily baby pass off as he kisses me hello and I kiss him goodbye so I won't be late to work. He chose to work the weekend to make up for lost hours, so here I am writing a blog about random lonliness. Or naps, I can't decide which.


It seems that whenever Matt and I are away from eachother for extended periods of time we don't get along as well. Funny, 'cause one might think that we would be enjoying the time we do have together instead of bickering about everything. It's mostly me actually. I get crazy when left alone for too long. I start to feel unloved and that just makes me bitter.


For the last week I have felt like a single parent. I take care of the kids by myself during the day and then off I go to work all night long and come home to a sleeping husband. I'm sure Matt feels the same way too. His approach when we finally get to hang out though is far too rational and sadly it's just not part of my genetic makeup.