Acts of Random Kindness

On Evan Almighty, God (Morgan Freeman) says that the way to change the world is to just do Acts of Random Kindness. Today, I went to java and ordered a Quad caramel latte.

Before the barista started making it I asked to cancel it cause I didn't have my bank card, and she says, "oh what a bummer! I'll make it for you anyway."

Free coffee taste so much better.

People amaze me. I am so lucky to have so many good people in my life and even random strangers I encounter.

Thank you God for making that young lady bless my day with her random act of kindness! Please return the favor by blessing her as well. Bless her all her life. LOL. Amen!

Getting Real With It

When I write the rest of the world shuts off and I transcend into my mind.  My mind is constantly filled with restless thoughts.  Lately, my mind has been cluttered with a combination of good and bad thoughts, heavenly and earthly, healthy and toxic. 

I feel and see the spiritual struggle within me.  Satan's battle for my flesh and God's battle for my heart, the ultimate prize in the end being my soul.  Heh, I'm the prize....the prize?

I never struggle with my identity in Christ.  I know that I am forever saved, loved, forgiven.... My struggle is for my identity here on earth.  A silly worry for those who are mature in faith and maybe not so silly for those who don't believe in the concept of God.  I'm speaking as someone who is in love with God, has great faith and is still alive...here on earth.  And this is my struggle, I am still very much human.

When I was baptized 6 years ago, I was to die to my flesh...take up "my cross" and be reborn.  I was, that day...but I keep finding that dying to my flesh is a daily task, sometimes hourly for me.

I think that for me, being a young (relatively speaking) writer/artist/mom/wife/human, that the need to be accepted and loved by the majority IS important.  At what cost though?  For what good is a man if he gains the world but looses his soul?  I get this scripture, believe it, long to live by it.  I remind myself of this passage almost everyday, replacing the word "world" with, drunkenness, sexual immorality, apathy, carelessness, etc, to relate to my daily temptations.  The truth of the matter is that these things that Satan tempts me with leave me feeling pretty shitty....leave me feeling like I'd rather die...so why don't I?  Spiritually speaking?  Die to my flesh...how does/can someone ignore their natural needs to be loved and accepted.

My Christian friends will say, "well, pray Stephanie, ask and ye shall receive." BLAGH!  Well, sure guys, easier said then done.  I do.  Does everything have to be a spiritual attack? Can it be that God made me human and that I'm not perfect.  No matter how much I pray, how much I read scripture, how long I spend time with God, it will not make me perfect, it will not make me stop feeling my imperfect feelings.  Let's get real.  I believe and am okay with God letting me be imperfect so that I can seek him to comfort and correct me, teach me and walk with me.  God, let's us fall so He can pick us back up... if we ask.

Where am I going with all this?  I'm sitting here asking myself.  Lets see...my identity...here it is...I am okay with being a sinner and a Christian.  A Christian Sinner.  Which we all are.  (Heresy!!)  I'm not saying that I'm okay with sinning, I'm saying that I accept that I am a sinner and that I suck and that I am still accepted by God.  And that should be enough for me.

Maybe it is.  I'm not fully convinced though.

Where I'd Rather Be

This was written about a month ago and for some reason never published.  I will publish it now.

The following is going to be an entry written while listening to Rancid's Let the Dominoes Fall.

Bare with me as my thoughts might become distracted by Tim Armstrong singing ridiculous lyrics in the background.

It's Easter Sunday around 10 pm.  I sitting in the ramp office at work waiting for a plane that's over 2 hours late.  The atmosphere is dense and outside is cold and windy.  There are so many places I'd rather be right now.  I will list a few.

1. Santa Monica, CA
2. Las Vegas, NV
3. My house, my back yard
4. My car
5. an imaginary art studio set in my new apartment 2 months from now.
6. First Friday
7. Heaven
8. The Gun Store
9. At the movies with my cousins
10. Having sushi with Brett Kasden
11. Having a beer with Brett Kasden
12. On the river
13. Seattle
14. The Warf
15. Time Square
16. Central Park
17. Over at Delta
18. India with Shauna McCullar
19. IHOP with Shauna McCullar
20. Geo Caching with Matthew
21. In bed with Matthew (meow)
22. Barn Bar
23. In the middle of the road on Washington and Mojave
24. On my roof with a hot cup of coffee
25. Destiny Church between 6-7p YESTERDAY
26. At a Counting Crows Concert
27. At a coffee shop playing chess with Matthew
28. I'd rather be high
29. Amoeba Records
30. Id rather be drawing outside

Id rather be standing at the dmv in Vegas on a Friday at lunch time.  Yeah.  So even though that list wasn't written in order of preference, you get the picture of how little I want to be here.  Life is suppose to be about living and when I'm here i'm waiting.  I'm waiting for the clock to speed up and the plane to land so that I can get the fuck out of this place and start to live.

Faux Obituary (it's not real people)

Stephanie Holt, 72, of San Diego, died peacefully Wednesday.

She was born in to the late Ruben Valenzuela and Maribel Galvez, August 21, 1983 in Las Vegas, NV.  She married her highschool sweetheart, the late Matthew Holt in 2002 and is survived by 3 daughters, Jade Romero, of San Diego, CA, Samantha McCullar, of Portland,OR and Elise Andrews, of Sacramento,CA.  She also is survived by 6 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren, as well as dozens of foster children and their children.

Stephanie loved to travel and lived adventurously, fully trusting in her Lord, Jesus Christ, to provide for her family financially and spiritually.  Because of her faith, she raised her children in a Christian home, and although critized by the Christian community as being a radical and babaric in her walk with Christ, was known by many for her love for orphans and the community that she created around her home in Southern California. 

Stephanie and her late husband Matthew founded The Gathering, an art community within the neighborhood they resided in, promoting freedom to worship God through art, music and writing.  Neighbors attribute the peaceful quality of living in the 1 mile radius of this block to The Gathering and many state that although The Gathering is founded on Christianity, they have never felt excluded from the community due to cultural or religious differences.  The San Diego police department has recognized The Gathering for being a contributing factor to the decline of crime in the area and the San Diego Union Tribune has recognized The Gathering as the reason for the increase in property value in the neighborhood since its establishment in 2032.  Her daughter Jade Romero has heired this non profit organization and will continue with its operation to promote community, faith, hope and love.

Stephanie has written several childrens book and an autobiography was published in 2054.

A memorial service will be held Saturday at Mission Beach at 5p.  An evening of celebration and rememberance of Mrs. Holt's life will be held by The Gathering community in their neighborhood at 7p.  All are invited for an evening of community and love...the greatest being love.

The Inevitable According to Me

This is the last paragraph of my autobiography...to be rewritten at any time and with as many revisions as I deem necessary.

     Our life so far has been a tiring one.  The kind of tired though that leaves you lying in bed, wide awake, wondering..."what next?"  The kind of tired that is meerly physical and less mentally exhausting.  The kind of tired that makes the outside look older then you feel.  I'll be 71 years old tomorrow and our house is full of children varying from ages 12-24.  It's close to one in the morning and I can hear the whispers and giggles of our new family who have contributed to the richness and happiness that is now our daily life.  They call me blessed and yet I am the one who feels so blessed to have rescued these children from those institutions.  In their brokenness, they overflow with generosity and compassion for eachother and the world that has rejected them so harshly.  They have taught me unconditional love in my old age and continue to shape my character, to that which I can now call Christ-like.  I am humble, patient, and kind.  Willing to lay my life down for these kids who I now call my friends.  I am no longer known for the clothes I wear or the things I own, I am known for the love I expell and that last forever.



Corinthians 13:13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

Repost "What Matters More 2.0"

http://temptationofjoy.blogspot.com/2010/04/what-matters-more-20.html  <---written by another blogger

I like and agree with this blog.

Excerpt from above link...My point in all of this is I believe Jennifer Knapp is still a christian. If she says she still has a relationship with God and is still spiritually motivated and has a community of believers that speak into her life, then I'll take her at her word and say yes she's a christian. She is on the same spiritual walk that I am. And I hate this idea that because she's gay, she's can't be a christian. You can be gay and christian. You can be an alcoholic and christian. You can be an adulterer and a christian. You can be a liar and a christian, a gossip and a christian, whatever and a christian. Why do certain sins carry such a weight that because we live in them, it cancels out our faith? If a christian lives in gossip no one is saying they're not a believer because of it. In fact most people wouldn't attack them for being a gossip... We've made some sins bigger then other. But Jennifer Knapp doesn't think her relationship is a sin. And it's not my place to judge her. Which I guess was my biggest issue with Botsford; his complete lack of love.

http://www.revolutionnyc.com/when-the-law-gets-in-the-way-of-love/
Jay Bakker's sermon last week on Jennifer Knap's coming out and the Christian communities response.

Jamais Vu

I was experiencing jamais vu right now. The opposite of deja vu. An eerie (yet exciting) feeling of being someplace you've been before but feel like you're there for the first time. I added the excited part cause I feel like when you're on vacation someplace new and your senses are heightened with all the new surroundings and its like you want to feel as much as you can and experience as much as you can all at once. That and the wet ground is making the air smell like fish. Which reminds me of the ocean. I think its actually cow shit which I'm relating to maybe...seagull crap. Hence the ocean smell. I like the ocean.

ty for my sins. You are a loving and good God and we celebrate your triumph and completed promise today and forever.

He has risen. Its Easter! The best holiday and celebration of the year!

Oh how I love Him!!

Thank you God that you sent your only son to take the penal

First Cup of Coffee in a Month

I'm so giddy.

So apparently it is torn

I have an MRI to determine if I need surgery. I'm gonna go jog.

A New Day

It's Sunday and to most people its the last day of the weekend instead of the 1st day of the week.
Remember that?
Ofcourse, the dreaded Monday lurks around the corner and Monday has taken Sunday's place as number one. To Christian's all over, today is the Sabbath, a day of rest. But God rested on the last day not the first. So....?
Those were all random thoughts when Sunday came to my mind. Nevermind the rant. The point is today is different then yesterday. It's new! Joy comes in the morning and today it did once more. I've been struggling with grace lately towards certain people in specific. The lack of grace or opposition of extending it has made me resentful and bitter. Last night I sat at the alter and prayed for God to take this anger away and asked for forgiveness and peace. He was true to His promise to always comfort me and His spirit consumed me and I prayed harder.
As I prayed hard and fast, images of people came into my mind like a super fast power point presentation. First, the people that have trespassed against me. God showed me their offenses and just as fast showed my offenses against them. Then that transitioned into all the people in my life that need prayer for certain things. From my immediately family to my extended family and friends it seemed like no one I knew was left without prayer.
I wish I knew what I was saying. Praying in tongues is the most powerful thing I've ever done with God and in the end I'm left feeling at peace and very, very happy. Whatever the Holy Spirit in me prayed for I'm sure it was more genuine and perfect compared to whatever my own tongue could say. Even in the comfort of my own solitude I have a hard time saying what's in my heart out loud. Not cause I'm hiding from God but because I'm hiding from myself. Thank you God that you send Your Spirit to intercede for us so that our hearts can be revealed.
Anyway. I feel great and thankful again. Ready to face new conflicts and roadblocks and also to receive joy and grace. Today is Sunday and it is the first day of the rest of my life.

A Mad Tea Party

A very merry unbirthday to you!!!

I have cool fun friends. We had tea and cakes, played croquet and watched 3 versions of Alice in Wonderland all in one day, including Tim Burton's in 3D.

It was all Joy's idea. Frabjous day! Collouh Callay!

I love MN parks

They have the coolest playgrounds. This is Silver Lakes newest Pirate Ship.

Jade and Pinky Pie

Her eyes are beautiful.

My Husband (PT 3)

Is not photogenic.

My Husband (PT 2)

See! He's been home from work for 2 mins and he's already reading to both his kids. Using different voices for each character. Both kids are laughing on his lap. Perfect.

Samantha the Bookworm

Pulling out her dad's favorite book as a child. The Giving Tree.

My Husband

My husband Matthew is amazing. I grew up with him so I should know. We've been together for 11 years now and everyday is filled with exciting twist and turns.

Although I feel like I know him more than anyone in this world, he's still mysterious, leaving me to ask the "who are you?" question. His thirst to obtain knowledge and motivation to use it and share it, makes him a man who is always different, never afraid to change his outlook on things while keeping his integrity.

My favorite part about being married to my best friend is his sense of humor and quick wit. He's sensitive to my feelings (unless the joke is gonna be really good) but still he is not afraid to give me shit when I'm my high horse and I need to be knocked down. He pushes me to the limit and backs off when I've had enough. He's not that good at mind reading yet but he's also smart enough to not assume things as most people tend to do.

He is obsessed with making us happy, and that means, providing and protecting us from anything that might make us the opposite of this word. And unlike some men who can't wait to go on that hunting trip or fishing for the week, he looks forward to spending time with his kids and hanging out with his wife. I see and feel the difference between his relationship with our girls and my fathers relationship with me. It is genuine and not burdensome. He longs to be with us and we long to be with him.

I'm a lucky girl to be with such a fun, sexy, caring and smart man. Thank you God.

I should be asleep

Goodnight.